This is your official notice that the GUSA Town Hall happening tonight is actually going to be interesting. A write-in ticket has announced that it will hold an alternative town hall. More importantly, Hot Chick and Chicken Madness will be at the university-sanctioned town hall to answer your questions. Sandwiches will present at a town hall meeting. Sandwiches will speak.
If there were ever a campaign season that necessitated drinking, it’s this year’s GUSA debacle. Here are the rules that will help get you through tonight’s town hall:
Drink if
Someone claiming to be a translator brings a Hot Chick and a Chicken Madness
You learn the name(s) of candidate(s) who have already dropped out
You learn the name(s) of candidate(s) who are still in the running
Someone mentions “Diversity though inclusion”
A candidate acts like he or she can “fix” the campus plan
Todd Olson comes up
Chris promises to be “inclusive”
Hot Chick declares that the use of hoverboards is a natural right
Someone mentions Aramark and/or its contract with the university
The counter-town hall ticket shows up
Anyone name drops an administrator like they’re old friends
Finish your drink if
Someone uses the term “Crenushe”
Crenushe breaks into this song about bridges
Trump won’t come because he thinks Megyn Kelly will be there
Take flaming shot if
A candidate accuses Enushe of receiving funding from Goldman Sachs
Pour one out if
Someone steals a bite out of any of the candidates
Streak in the snow from one town hall to the other if
Georgetown Academy attends wearing a Phantom of the Opera mask
Experience the impending hilarity in the HFSC great room. Or you can follow the Hoya’s twitter account, @thehoya for live updates.
Photos: facebook.com, pbs.org