To the Editor:
I read Jasmine White’s “Why I Won’t Ever Change My Last Name” with curiosity … and indignation. I am a Class of 2014 alum and have been married a whopping five months. So clearly, I have lots of life experiences to speak to some of the issues in White’s article.
I must first say, Jasmine, that I completely respect, even admire, your decision to keep your last name, and I also apologize for the pushback you may experience in doing so. However, to condemn with such assuredness the large majority of married women who have changed their names is mistaken because you don’t seem to realize the commitment a marriage entails.
When I changed my last name (from Reavis to Volz), it felt like a sacrifice. My name is no longer my own. But, you see, my husband’s name is no longer his own either, but ours. A committed relationship does not require a name change, but it will have to change you in some way, which you don’t seem prepared for: “I don’t want to be known as someone’s wife or someone’s mother. I want to be known as Jasmine White, the cool-ass chick who just happens to be a wife and a mother.” Marriage and parenthood are not checklist items.
But why should you be prepared to let go of some of yourself? Georgetown culture is a breeding ground for love of the name, love of self and love of branding. Who are you wearing? What internship do you have? Which famous politician is in your profile picture? Do you do things because you are genuinely passionate about them, or are your passions a facade that simply makes for a good resume under your name?
There is an aspect of Georgetown that speaks the opposite: Jesuit values. College may be a time for the self, but our university encourages being selfless by committing your education and endeavors to others, something that I found to be incredibly applicable in the realm of marriage as well.
For me, marriage has been a valuable lesson in learning to live life for something besides yourself. I still have personal aspirations, but I am so extremely fortunate to have another person in my life to both encourage and humble these goals. And I do the same for him. We critique and celebrate each other, and come out stronger.
So, go, Jasmine, go. Yes, embrace your feminist side. Yes, claim your name as your own. Yes, explore your individuality to the fullest extent. But, don’t be afraid to try giving some of yourself up sometime. Volunteer. Donate. Serve others. Realize that changing your routine, changing your focus, even changing your name can be the good kind of scary.
Amy Volz
COL ’14