Georgetown University’s Newspaper of Record since 1920

The Hoya

Georgetown University’s Newspaper of Record since 1920

The Hoya

Georgetown University’s Newspaper of Record since 1920

The Hoya

Burly, Flannel-Clad Men Save February from All-Star Hell

Burly, Flannel-Clad Men Save February from All-Star Hell

By Sean Gormley Hoya Staff Writer

It was a difficult struggle, and I’ll admit that there were moments when I wasn’t sure if I was going to keel over from boredom, but I finally made it through the sports wasteland that is February. March Madness is just around the corner, and I can’t wait, because March is my favorite sport month of the year.

Nothing against February – Valentine’s Day is a quality holiday unless you are single or that special someone forgot about you, and Presidents Day is a day off that comes at just the right time, but I look forward to sports in the month of February about as much as a visit to the dentist or an 8:50 a.m. class.

Just about the only distinction that February has is that it is home to all of your favorite meaningless all-star games, starting with the Pro Bowl at the beginning of the month.

Let me just say it: The Pro Bowl is a travesty. A joke. Not worth the Astroturf it is played on. As much as I do love football, this is a game that I usually skip simply because it ain’t football. They tie up the defenders’ hands and play a glorified touch football game with many of the players seeing little more than a quarter of action. This game is basically a vacation in Hawaii for those players that put the fans’ butts in the seats and made lots of money for the owners. But that’s about it.

The NHL all-star game occurred at some point after the Pro Bowl, but again, I didn’t catch it. I think I remembered that NHL is one of the worst television sports in the history of the medium, somewhere between Senior PGA golf and those logging competitions they show on ESPN where hairy, flannel-clad men compete in ax throwing, log rolling and my personal favorite, Super Modified Hot Saw (or timed chain saw, for the uninitiated).

Actually, those logging competitions hold my attention a lot longer than hockey games on TV, probably because I’m always thinking one of the competitors will slip and a chain saw will just go flying into the stands. Wishful thinking, I guess. Maybe hockey just needs chainsaws. It needs something, because North America versus the World and “skills competition” just do not cut it for me. Nor does the Atlanta Thrashers versus the Nashville Predators . can you say overexpansion?

The NBA dunk contest was quite a show this year (thank you, Vince Carter), and bringing it back was the brightest idea the league has had since it got rid of those short-shorts, but the game itself does nothing for me. Maybe it’s just me, but defense is a part of the game, and defense in the NBA all-star game means sort of maybe trying to possibly stand somewhere between the player who has the ball and the basket. Maybe even raising your arms occasionally.

Oh yeah, and there’s no MJ.

So, what else does February have to offer us? Nothing, other than being the month when everyone’s favorite female golfer, Mickey Wright, was born, of course.

The only redeeming sports value of February is that it is college basketball crunch time, where on numerous college campuses across the country, students are out in full force, cheering their teams on their way to the big dance – March Madness. Alas, being at Georgetown, we don’t have that luxury. I have been reduced to watching Hoya games on national television and hoping that we don’t get embarrassed since so many people are watching.

Maybe if I were somewhere else, I would be a lot more psyched for college basketball, but it’s not easy in these parts. I find myself envying my sister, out at Stanford where their team is ranked number one in the land, has a cozy on-campus arena where official attendance for every single home game this season has been a packed-out and then some 7,391, even for a Christmas break game against lowly New Hampshire.

There is a constant buzz on campus in Palo Alto regarding the team and when I talked to my sister last night, she was already excited about being able to attend Thursday’s game against USC. I don’t recall that having happened on the Hilltop lately.

So I guess that if our basketball team hasn’t shown some serious improvement by the time next February rolls around, I am going to have to sign up for the logging channel on DirecTV. Maybe I’ll even start training for timber events in the vast wilderness around my house. I bet with some practice I could compete with the best of them at Hard Hit, which is the fewest ax hits to cut through a log, just in case you weren’t familiar with that particular event.

I’m pretty sure I know what my calling is though – the Two-Board Jigger. Its an odd event where competitors climb a tall pole by chopping holes into the poll and wedging blocks in the holes to propel themselves upward. You’ll appreciate it more when you see me doing it on ESPN next February when you come back from a party at 4 a.m, forced to order from Manny & Olgas and watch whatever drivel is on television.

Logging Olympics and Manny & Olgas-I’ll take that over March adness any day.

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