Georgetown University’s Newspaper of Record since 1920

The Hoya

Georgetown University’s Newspaper of Record since 1920

The Hoya

Georgetown University’s Newspaper of Record since 1920

The Hoya

Don’t Let the Door Hit You on the Way Out

Joe Musumeci opens the door and bids adieu to all those left behind here at Georgetown.

The two years of frost lining the mini-freezer inside of my mini-refrigerator suggests just how unprepared I am to move on and graduate. I am overwhelmed by the thought of everything that must happen in the next month, let alone the next year. And then to think about the future beyond that? I might as well just curl up, hide and take a nap. Maybe it will be better when I wake up.

To think, underclassmen, this could be you in one to three years. It boggles the mind.

Today is the beginning of May, the month that brings graduation at the end. After graduation, all the rules change. People will move around. Priorities will be turned upside down. The job that used to come after classes and activities gets pushed up to the forefront, while the prospect of further education sneaks away to a distant potential, a theoretical back burner, possibly never to be found again.

I still realistically cannot answer the question of what I want to be when I grow up (or at least give the same answer consistently … other than being a writer for ESPN’s SportsCenter), and I do not see a time in the near future when I will.

I thought I had a good job set up for next year, but I thought wrong. I am fortunate to have another opportunity waiting for me, and I think I will be happy there, too. But the thought of how comfortable my mind was with the situation I was almost in is very jarring. If my perception of a near-future reality can shift so far from what actually happens, what is the point of planning at all?

Well, who cares about that stuff? I do not think any of you are here for contrived and self-absorbed quasi-philosophizing. (Stop laughing. No, that was not supposed to be ironic, thank you very much). What are you here for, then?

The nudity, of course.

After four years of higher education, it has become clear the world is driven by nudity. It is what prompts your roommate to pick up the remote control and sells the magazines on the shelves. Advertising starts and ends with bare skin, and to get your way in this world, you should do the same.

Beyond that, I urge you to trust your own perception of the weather patterns. If there is one thing I learned in my math classes this semester, it is that meteorologists use chaos theory when preparing their forecasts. By chaos, I do not mean a bunch of rowdy Pistons fans wreaking havoc in the streets of Detroit after the NBA Finals in the late 1980s. I refer to chaos in the sense of knowing that an event will occur but not being able to determine at what point in time it will occur. When the weatherperson tells you it is going to rain tomorrow, they might as well just say that it is going to rain at some undefined point in time in the future. That would be less helpful but far more accurate. Just because that guy wears a suit does not mean that he can tell the future.

If the television were to fight the microwave, I am not quite sure where my money would be. The television would have the edge when it comes to creativity, but the microwave might be able to win solely by relying on brute force. What a match-up!

I urge you to remember to stop by Ben and Jerry’s tomorrow between noon and 8 p.m. for free cone day. I simultaneously urge you to not visit Baskin Robbins. They decided to completely rip off Ben and Jerry’s idea and hold their own “free scoop night” tomorrow. How cheap is that? I picture Ben and Jerry’s as being too nice to say anything about it, but there is nothing stopping rude, little old me from pointing out how miserably uncreative that is. Grow an idea of your own already.

Any questions? Buy my book. I do not currently have a book, but when will I have the chance to ask you to buy it if I fail to ask now? So even if the cover looks boring, be a friend and buy my book. I promise I will do the same for you.

The end.

Joe Musumeci is a former managing editor, viewpoint editor and member of the board of directors of The Hoya.

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