As preregistration comes to a close and we begin to mentally prepare for our impending schedules for next semester that the MyAccess lottery has spit out at us, 4E is here to give you hope. Join us as we avoid studying for finals and daydream about the classes we wish we could take next semester in place of that third econ requirement, a second semester of organic chemistry, or that philosophy class that our dean told us we had to take.
Voila! The classes we wish we were taking, the things we wish we knew, the useful skills we believe would be far more beneficial upon leaving the hilltop to enter the “real world”:
Culinary Arts 101. Yes as much as we (I) love Leo’s, it is an unfortunate fact that someday in the not-so-distant future, the college student must come to terms with the stove top burner, skillet and array of vegetables and proteins in hopes of manufacturing “dinner”. This course would take place every MW from 6:00 to 7:00pm (dinner time) as well as the occasional Thursday morning, for a lesson in brunch. Students would be required to cook ten new meals over the course of the semester and their final grades would be dependent on a final cook-off challenge.
Biology of Sex: How to Avoid Parenthood For at Least 10 Years. This course would take students back to the glorious days of high school Sex Ed, but this time we would replace the awkward puberty talks and putting condoms on bananas with compelling discussions and evaluations of “hookup culture”, birth control and baes. Students would also construct a “how-to” guide for telling someone you want it and telling that one person off that just can’t take a hint. The final grade would be based on a weekend simulation of parenthood where students would be required to take care of a real child (OK, so maybe 4E wouldn’t be that into this, but we think it would be really funny to observe).
How to be a Real Person 2.0. This course is essential for college students reluctant to face the reality that living in a contained space with all of your friends where you also go to class, work and party, is something you get to do for the rest of your life. This class would feature numerous “how to” field trips such as golf, happy hour, a business Christmas party and grocery shopping. Students would be encouraged to find a hobby, and would be required to opt into either a weekly AA meeting or book club.
Dog Walking: The Art of the Human-Animal Relationship. This course would be MWF 10-10:50: not a bad deal when you discover that the entire course is spent walking a dog. Each student would be paired with a furry friend and encouraged to explore the greater neighborhood, cuddle and play.
Bartending 201. This course is essential not only for campus safety, but for bragging rights at family parties. Students would learn how to concoct tasty drinks at appropriate alcohol-to-mixer ratios. This course would also have a special focus on health and would not only teach students how to create alcoholic drinks, but also protein shakes and other healthy concoctions. Probably not one in the same, but nonetheless a good business venture.
The Culture of Netflix: Economics, Philosophy & (Search) History. This course, likely to be very popular, would count for three different prerequisites that you really didn’t want to take. It would meet for two hours, three days per week. Students would spend class watching their favorite shows, engaging in meaningful discussion about whether or not Ross cheated on Rachel, and why How I Met Your Mother ended the way it did.
There you have it. At 18 credits, we believe we have crafted the perfect class schedule. These courses would keep students’ mental health in check, while teaching them skills that they can use for the rest of their lives, no matter what avenues they take in life.
We hope that these courses can be a topic on the agenda at the next Registration Round Table.
Gifs: giphy.com, myaccess.com
