The votes are coming as quick as John DeGioia to the Epi buffet, and 4E is happy to announce the projected winner of the 2015 GUSA Election!

William Jefferson Clinton, SFS ’68, “Bill” to his peers, “DJ Billy Jeff” to his friends, has earned the majority of the vote – 72 of 100 total voters put him as first choice. Running on a campaign platform of “I Was President of America,” President-Elect Clinton earned campus fame for his opening statements in the presidential debate on Monday:

“I was President of the United States in the 90s, and I gave the US a budget surplus! EXTRA MONEY! So if I can do that, you’d better believe I can get you meal swipes at Chipotle and more transparency in administration-student relations.”

Clinton notably ran without a running mate, explaining, “Although there are many worthy people on campus, the only Vice President I’ll ever need is former VP of the United States, Al Gore. Why’d you have to be a Harvard alum, Al?”

When asked how he was able to avoid much of the controversy generated over the past two weeks through campaigns attacking each other, Clinton stated, “Well, you know, I literally just threw my hat in the ring and let the incredible nostalgia for the 90s do the work. I mean, I am 68 years old, so I feel like if I were to attack 20, 21-year-old candidates… That would be weird. We’re all Hoyas, right?”

To cap off this post, 4E has included a clip of Clinton’s speech at TedxGeorgetown 1966.

Bye, GUSA election coverage! See you next year!

Photo: usaflagsupply.com