Welcome back, advice lovers. This week, we’re tackling friend crushes and working through some of your questionable drunk decisions. So, if you’re struggling with some long-repressed feelings or had a particularly bad night out last weekend, this week’s column is for you! And as always, submit any questions you’re dying to have answered to the anonymous form found on The Hoya website, and I’ll do my best to help you out.
I’ve had a crush on my close friend for three years and they don’t know. What should I do?
Since you’re writing in with this question, it sounds like some part of you wants to tell them! The idea of changing a friendship dynamic can be scary, but there’s nothing wrong with sharing the way you feel. If you decide to tell them, be direct and honest about what you want, and see how they respond. Worst case scenario, your friend doesn’t feel the same way, but that’s not the end of the world. Approaching this conversation maturely and listening to what they have to say will go a long way in preventing hurt feelings. A good friend will prioritize maintaining your friendship over any awkwardness that might arise. If you’ve been friends for three years, chances are they value you as a person and don’t want to throw away that relationship, even if they don’t feel the same. If your feelings are reciprocated, congratulations! Thanks to your communication skills, you’ve prevented another three years of mutual pining. Whatever happens, I think you’ll feel lighter having gotten these feelings off your chest. Good luck!
One of my friends has been going through a rough time, but in the past, she hasn’t wanted to accept a lot of support from the people around her. I want to help her get through this but I don’t want to stress her out more by pushing too hard. How do I balance this?
It can be really difficult to balance what you think is helpful with what another person actually needs from you. Some people prefer to process things on their own, and it sounds like your friend might be one of them. Even if she doesn’t ask for your support, it can be incredibly meaningful for her to know you have her back. Reach out to her, ask how you can be there for her, and listen to what she tells you. It can be hard to communicate what you need from your friends when you’re going through a difficult time, but by making an effort to stay present in her life in small ways, like reaching out regularly to get meals, you can show her she has someone to talk to if she ever wants to open up. You’re a good friend for wanting to help her through this, and I know she’ll appreciate having someone to fall back on when things are difficult. It can make a huge difference to know someone is there for you, even if you’re not completely comfortable accepting the help. Keep looking for ways to show her you care!
Last weekend I got drunk at a party and said some pretty mean things I regret to someone I have a complicated history with. I feel terrible about it and I wish I could take it back. I don’t want other people to think this reflects my true character, and I don’t know what to do.
Before you do anything else, you should reach out to that person and apologize for what you said. It doesn’t have to be long or involved, but sending a sincere apology text that shows you regret what you said can mean a lot to someone who is hurting. Hopefully, this will clear the air and help you move past any unresolved emotions you still have about them. As for what other people think, that’s not really important. The only relevant person in this situation is the one you’re apologizing to. It’s always helpful to remember that other people spend a lot less time focusing on you than you think. If you heard this story about someone else, would you spend any more than a second thinking about it? Probably not! Your true friends already know (and love!) your character and won’t judge you for making a mistake. It seems like you really regret what you did, which is the first step to not repeating past mistakes, so keep that in mind for the future and you’ll be fine.
Caroline Brown is a junior in the College of Arts & Sciences. This is the second installment of her column “Calling in With Caroline.”
Anonymously submit your questions and concerns to Caroline!
