Welcome back, advice lovers. This week, you all had a lot on your mind: drifting apart from old friends, ending stagnant relationships and working through group projects where nobody seems to care. Take your mind off your own problems for a few minutes by reading about someone else’s — and if that doesn’t work, submit them to me through the anonymous form. I’ll do my best to help you out!
I haven’t been talking to my friends from high school that often and I feel like we’re growing apart. How do I tell them I miss them?
It’s normal to feel like you’re drifting apart from people you don’t see every day, especially since you probably have a lot more day-to-day experiences in common with your friends at school than you do with people from home. But it seems like you really value these connections, and it’s completely doable to maintain a relationship with friends from a distance. Even though it’s not always easy or convenient to reach out when you’re busy with school, it can be really meaningful to hear from someone you haven’t spoken to in a while. Taking the time out of your day to call a friend, even if it’s just on your five-minute walk to class, can do a lot to keep your relationships alive during the semester. And if you’ve fallen victim to weeks of back-and-forth missed FaceTime calls between you and your best friends, text them and figure out a time you’re both free! You don’t have to talk to someone all the time to keep your friendship alive, but checking in more regularly and showing you care can make sure you still feel close even from far away.
How do you know when it’s the right time to end a relationship? My boyfriend and I have been growing apart for a while, and sometimes I feel like I’d rather be hanging out with my friends than with him. I don’t want to make a mistake and end things too early, but I don’t know if I should stay with him anymore.
If you’ve gotten to the point where you’re writing to an advice columnist, it probably means it’s the right time to end your relationship. It’s completely understandable to worry about making a mistake by ending things, but you’ve clearly spent a lot of time thinking about this, and this doesn’t seem like a rushed decision. It sounds like there are other people in your life that you feel more connected to than your boyfriend, and that’s important to recognize. It’s not fair to you or your boyfriend to be spending time together that you don’t find enjoyable, and if you’re finding that you’d rather be doing something else instead of seeing him, that’s a really good sign that you aren’t as connected as you used to be. Having an honest conversation with him about the distance you’ve been feeling can also help clarify how you feel, and can give you some direction on what your next steps should be. It’s okay to give yourself time to process these feelings, but don’t overthink it if you know what would make you happiest. Wishing you luck, whatever you decide.
I have such a bad group for this class presentation due soon, and I can’t get them to do anything. Nobody will put any work in and they don’t respond when I try to coordinate. What can I do so I don’t fail this project?
Group projects can be really tough! Even if your group members aren’t responsive, you shouldn’t have to be the only one putting in the work. If you’ve tried to reach out a couple times and haven’t heard anything back, talk to your professor and tell them you’ve been having trouble coordinating the workload with your group — you’re definitely not the first student they’ve taught that’s having problems with their teammates. There isn’t a whole lot you can do to make your other teammates put in their share of the work if they aren’t willing, but it’ll help if your professor knows you were trying your best to make things work. Hang in there; it’ll be over soon!
Caroline Brown is a junior in the College of Arts & Sciences. This is the fourth installment of her column “Calling in With Caroline.”
