Whiteout. Anything But Clothes. Toga. Flannels and handles. In a report released this afternoon by the Frat Boy Association of America (FBAA), these time-honored, critically acclaimed college party themes have all earned the widely sought-after “ratchet” status.

These findings reveal a lack of innovation across the board. Although these classics never fail to deliver their fair share of jungle juice, Natty, crop tops and shame, we at 4E believe it’s time to make some cutting-edge contributions to today’s antiquated party theme options.

Your Favorite Handle

A good party theme is all about the double entendre/puns. Sport @yourfavoritetwitteraccount on your T-shirt or dress up like your favorite flavor of Burnett’s. Recommendations include @LILBTHEBASEDGOD and @amandabynes. If you go the vodka route, get creative with your flavor choice. Tropical punch, perhaps. Just not maple syrup because we told you that’s disgusting.

I Woke Up Like This

Channel your inner Sasha Fierce or wear slippers and a nightgown. This theme presents a juxtaposition between divas and bedheads that will keep the party interesting. There is also the opportunity to put the absolute maximum or the bare minimum effort into the costume depending on whether you choose to be Bey or a lazy pajama-clad college student for the night. Earn extra points by merging the two and somehow finding a way to pull off being Beyoncé in a onesie.

Basic and Basic

Although the term “basic” has started to grind my gears, it has party theme potential. Either incorporate some chemistry knowledge into your outfit via a cute and flirty pH scale drawing on your tank top or opt for yoga pants and Uggs (with the fur rolled down) while toting around a Starbucks holiday cup.

Middle School Dance and Cargo Pants

This theme aims to take you back to your school gym in the seventh grade. Party attire can include a combination of any of the following elements: Apple Bottom jeans, denim mini skirt, pink Converse, a choker and/or a Juicy Couture track jacket. For the boys, cargo pants with so many pockets that you could simultaneously store all of your Yu-Gi-Oh cards within them. (Also acceptable: those sweatpants with fifteen zippers that allowed one to change from pants to capris to shorts to boxer-length shorts in a few easy unzips). If you’re not chasing your drinks with Sunny D and following those body shots with a sip of Capri Sun, you’re doing it wrong.

And that’s all for now. Use these last days before Thanksgiving to give these themes a try or hold out until your last free weekend before finals. Because you can only dress in ABC so many times before you start to realize it’s cold out.

Photo: noisey.com