If you’re an incoming freshman, chances are, you’re freaking out about finding a roommate. CHARMS is taking over your life with the insidiousness of Facebook or Instagram but with almost no functionality or efficiency. You constantly check to see if that seemingly awesome person has messaged you back. All the nicknames in your account are some nonsensical collection of “Dog girl” (the girl said she liked dogs), “Taylor Swift” (she seems to have a little bit of an obsession), and “pillow” (it was the first word that popped into your head). We understand that you might be a little overwhelmed with the whole process: after all, you will be sharing breathing space and a 16’x10′ rectangle with this person for an entire school year, so you’d better make sure they’re chill.

CHARMS is just like online dating: you write a bunch of lies about yourself in an attempt to make you seem cooler than you are. Here at 4E, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to translate some of the more common things you will read on a potential roommate’s housing application, so that you can make an informed decision when it comes to choosing your new BFF:

1. Social Preferences

When they say: “I care about school, but I also like to have fun.”

They actually mean: “I will, at some point this year, post in the GAAP group about leaving my black North Face at brown house.”

When they say: “I’m totally fine with you bringing girls back to the room, as long as you’ll also stay out when I’m gettin’ some.”

They actually mean: “Neither of us will ever bring a girl back to the room.”

2. Sleeping Preferences

When they say: “I usually try to wake up early, like before 8.”

They actually mean: “I will never wake up before 1pm.”

3. Studying Preferences

When they say: “I’m a bio major on the pre-med track.”

They actually mean: “You will never see me, unless you are in Regents between midnight and 3am.”

4. Music Preferences

When they say: “I like most types of music, but I especially like trap.”

They actually mean: “I will play Trap Queen at least 500 times this semester. Especially if someone cool is walking by the door.”

5. Cleanliness Preferences

When they say: “I’m pretty neat, but I won’t get super mad if you are a little messy!”

They actually mean: “You will never see the floor. You might also find me sleeping with multiple half-eaten Epi quesadillas in my bed.”

6. Free Time Preferences

When they say: “I can’t wait to get out and explore DC!”

They actually mean: “I will not go past the corner of M and Wisconsin the entire year, unless it’s via Uber.”

7. Room Temperature Preferences

When they say: “I like the room to be cold when I sleep.”

They actually mean: “I’m a normal person.”

When they say: “I like the room to be warm when I sleep.”

They actually mean: “I am a sociopath.”

In all seriousness, don’t freak out too much about finding a roommate. You might meet your new best friend, or you might not, but everyone at Georgetown is worth getting to know. And hey, even if you wind up with a crazy roommate, at least you’ll have some stories to tell!

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