There’s a lot of discourse on the upsides and ugliness of online dating in college, but here’s the truth — it’s here to stay. Pick your poison, fiends. For the meet-cute lovers, maybe the Marriage Pact is where you tastefully draw the line. But for those of you (us?) army-crawling through the trenches, here are a few age-old questions that’ll resonate with even the most seasoned veterans:
How do you online date at Georgetown? Lightning round! Know what the culture of each dating app is like. If you’ve sent a like to someone and they didn’t match, cut your losses. They’ve seen it, so don’t send a second like. Don’t send a rose to someone two doors down from you. If you did send someone a rose that didn’t go anywhere and you ended up meeting them down the line, just pretend you’re meeting them for the first time. Make sure you don’t come off too strongly. Finally, you definitely don’t have to go anywhere nice for a first meetup, but don’t go to Leo’s. Oh, and no matter how cool you think you sound — don’t do a voice prompt on Hinge. Not unless it’s actually funny.
At the end of the day, dating apps are just another form of social media. Maybe it’s reductive, but none of the people in your phone are real until you actually meet them. Chatting on the app is safe, but if you think they’re cool, just ask them if they want to hang. Be safe, know what red flags you’re looking out for and don’t compromise on your standards.
What do you do if they become an opp? There’s no shortage of nightmare scenarios that online dating so romantically presents us. Let’s say you’re in the worst case scenario: one nasty breakup later, you’re left assessing the damages — they’re your project manager, your next door neighbor in a thin-walled dorm and, to top it all off, you always manage to run into them in the Whisk line, even when you go late just to avoid them. Here’s my preferred way to deal with opps: Lean into it. For those of us who are avoidantly attached, there’s a strong impulse to just stop caring as soon as possible, through whatever means possible. Suppressing your feelings is unsustainable and never works out the way you hope it will, so if you really want to get over it as soon as possible, just let yourself feel all the emotions. The only way out, unfortunately, is through.
In the meantime, why not make the most of it? A friend of mine did a TED talk inspired by a particularly atrocious failed talking stage. In your day to day life, assert your dominance over campus. Instead of shying away from your favorite spots, reclaim them. No more avoiding spaces — and if you feel awkward, double down and make them feel even more so. If you get into a competitive enough spirit, there’s not much that can keep you down. Finally, if the ending was especially vile, be prepared for the rumor mill to start churning. What’s important is that you understand that the people who truly care about you will take the time to hear you out and advocate for your side of the story. Gossip is a powerful tool used by people to ostracize without confrontation. Be aware of it, weather the storm and take the time to consider your choices. Just make sure that whatever you choose to do won’t make your future self cringe.
I’m looking forward to hearing more from you lovelies — to this week’s anonymous submission, here’s a special thanks to you. As always, submit your messiest stories, your burning questions or your shocking concerns to [email protected]. Heads up: my next column is all about friendships in college so make sure to tune into @TheHoya’s next poll on Instagram to submit your questions. My inbox is your confessional, and I’m all ears. Until next time, lovelies.
Ciao,
d
Diane Kim is a sophomore in the College of Arts & Sciences. This is the third installment of her column “Asking for a Friend.”
