What’s up, it’s Zara, certified E-Z baker, rainbow loomer and Justice fashionista. If you know exactly what I’m talking about, then you’re probably a kid who grew up in the 2010s like me, and this article is for you!
When I went back home recently, I was digging through my closet and, behold, in the trenches right next to my Hatchimal, Lego Friends set and Sillybandz collection was my Monster High Top Secret Password Diary. After trying countless passwords (all names of teeny-bopper heartthrobs), I finally cracked the code (the password was “BiggestBelieber9”).
And let me just tell you, the content was gold. Reading my diary reintroduced me to all the hallmark moments of the third grade, and, because there’s nothing I enjoy more than oversharing every detail of my life on the internet, let me present to you three times my third-grade self was iconic.
When I Out-Scouted the Girl Scouts
This was the year I got kicked out of Girl Scouts for skipping too many meetings. But being the resilient businesswoman I am, I decided to profit off their cookies instead. During cookie season, I bought box after box of their cookies. Then, when the season ended, I resold the cookies independently for double the price. Why? Because people still wanted them, and they weren’t available elsewhere. I guess you could say I was one smart cookie.
When I Won Harry Styles’ Heart
This was the year I attended my first ever One Direction concert. Deciding to be like the “not like other girls” girls I read about in every Wattpad fantasy, I wore a black hoodie and sweatpants. I paired this look with my jeweled cat ear headphones and brought a book to read, hoping Harry Styles — my future husband — would think I was different. (The book? “Moby Dick,” obviously.) And, of course, my foolproof plan worked! Harry approached me after the show, told me how much he loved my bedazzled Justice headphones and we’ve been happily married ever since.
When I Potentially Committed Manslaughter by Stuffed Animal
This was the year my family and I traveled to New York City for summer break. At the Central Park Zoo, I bought “Pengy,” a penguin stuffed animal, and my brother bought “Ducky” (I bet you could never guess what animal that was). Hours later, we went to the top of the Empire State Building, and of course, Pengy and Ducky came with us. My brother started teasing me, saying that Ducky was better than Pengy because ducks can fly and penguins can’t. So, in the name of defending Pengy’s honor, I released him over the edge to prove once and for all that he could fly just as well as Ducky. (And no, I have no idea if Pengy landed on someone’s head and ruined their day — or their life. If so, I owe them a very belated apology.) I never saw Pengy again, so that means he must’ve flown off into the distance, right?!!!!
There you have it — proof that my third-grade self was nothing short of legendary. Maybe one day I’ll share more iconic moments, but for now, this is enough to keep my digital footprint solidly tarnished!
