On Feb. 20, a packed crowd — which eventually became standing room only — filed into Gaston Hall for Funniest Human, the Georgetown Program Board’s (GPB) annual student stand-up comedy show. The field this year saw eight contestants, including five seniors, pitted against each other in a winner-takes-all competition to crown, well, Georgetown’s funniest human.
The always-on-point Sophie Maretz (CAS ’26) — Georgetown’s Funniest Human in 2024 — returned to emcee the show this year and continued to showcase her first-class wit, albeit in a more limited role. Her brief set to warm up the crowd began with her describing peaking as a sophomore and analyzing the shoes in her dorm to discover that a roommate had brought over a “bigfooted lesbian,” before talking about her hope of her dogs ironically ‘Pavlov’-ing her to move out of her house in New Jersey and get a job.
The first competitor was Owen Simon (CAS ’26), who opened up about his fear of becoming infamous, revealing that it stems from a song he sang at summer camp about a lady who starts the Great Chicago Fire. He then launched into a colorful rendition, and punctuated it with three shouts of “fire” in the crowded theater, which was alright for some reason. He also talked about universities going too far with expansion — shoutout New York University (NYU) Tulsa — and doubtlessly attracted his biggest laughs of the night when he compared ChatGPT to Grok, which he likened to a caveman.
Next was Lowell Lawrence (CAS ’28), who set the tone for his act by awkwardly pacing the floor throughout his set and at one point turning around to read jokes from a crumpled paper in his pocket. Lawrence generated consistent laughs with a Mitch Hedberg-style rapid-fire routine that spanned all manner of absurd topics, from accidentally sitting on an old man’s penis on the subway to being spanked in Chipotle. The sophomore likely led the group when it comes to a pure laughs-per-minute metric, and it was surprising when he wasn’t voted a finalist.
Kumar Varma (CAS ’26) opted for a more story-based routine, in which he drew on his experience trying out for the Marine Corps. Walking us through each step in the process, Varma described academic requirements, a drug test — which was conducted in public — and finally a physical, which included a cavity search. Varma’s act culminated in a minute-long nonverbal segment where he performed a one-man skit re-enacting the public drug test, during which he seemed to eye up other candidates and even agreed to meet up with one of them later.
Following him was Anna Dewey (CAS ’26), who talked about trying new foods, discovering she was more like her dad than she thought, puberty and an unfortunate date. Dewey’s nervous style of comedy lent itself well to discussing potentially embarrassing topics, including having to keep a granola bar in the bathroom after repeatedly fainting in the shower and going out with someone who wore swim trunks to their dryland date.
The next act featured Simon Maxwell (CAS ’29), the only freshman of the group. Despite stumbling through parts of his routine, which covered an error-ridden visit to the student health center, complaints about Leo’s and the fact that his father had been a sperm donor, Maxwell found moments to excel. Most notably, he attracted laughs when talking about the contrast between his ancestor, who volunteered to fight in the Civil War at 16, and himself at 16, busy earning McDonald’s points.
Shana Struski’s (SFS ’27) set focused on struggles with being catcalled by old men on the Washington Metro and failing the Spanish proficiency exam. The routine hinged on absurdity, with a discussion of the time her pediatrician called her a “fucking loser bitch,” recounting how she played Minesweeper on full volume during a Zoom group grief counseling session and recurrent mentions of SFS professor William Schlickenmaier.
Second to last was Tommy Cronin (CAS ’26), whose act centered on the various jobs he has worked. First was mowing the lawn of a local priest — which wavered between being an innuendo and a normal job every other sentence — then working at a school where the staff was made up of him and 40 Chilean women, earning him the pet name “Shrek” from the kids. Cronin next moved to his time working at a special education school with a student whose name and vocabulary consisted of “Zeke” and who took off all his clothes if he got as much of drop of water on him, before closing by talking about his most recent job as a Tombs doorman during the implementation of their cover charge.
Stephen Purdum (CAS ’26) ended the night by talking about various identity crises, a high school therapist who was big on “men’s issues” and struggles with the TSA. Purdum’s finest moments came on one-off lines when talking through each of his various stories, including him being bisexual “mostly for clout” and the TSA agent during his patdown giving him “60% of a handjob.”
After their performances, the audience first voted for four finalists, which ended up being Tommy Cronin, Stephen Purdum, Owen Simon and Kumar Varma. After a second round of voting, Tommy Cronin was crowned Georgetown’s Funniest Human and was presented with a comically large check for tickets to Georgetown Improv.
