Welcome back, advice lovers. In this week’s column, we’ll be working through issues big enough to last you through the summer, including unwanted romances, underwhelming boyfriends and overinvolved parents. This is the last column of the semester, and, with graduation approaching, it’s also my final one at Georgetown. But if you need advice, don’t fear: Calling in With Caroline will be continued by the wonderfully talented Caroline Woodward, who cannot wait to hear about your problems, big or small. So, as always, if you have a question I didn’t answer, submit it to this anonymous form — she’ll help you out.
A younger student and friend of mine has had a crush on me for months. I have politely and repeatedly declined any romantic interests but have made an effort to remain a friend and mentor. This student recently found out I am seeing someone else, and she has proceeded to make negative statements about me to our mutual friends. What do I do?
Based on what you’ve told me, it sounds like this friendship has run its course. If this younger student has been interested in you for months despite your clear indications that you aren’t reciprocating her feelings, you’re probably not the best person to be a mentor in her life. It’s really admirable that you want to maintain the relationship, but it’s better for both of you if you take a step back. She’s clearly hurt by your new relationship, and you don’t deserve to hear mean comments about yourself, so separating yourself from the situation gives her the time to move on from her feelings and find a friendship that isn’t as emotionally fraught. Getting some space from this dynamic is in everyone’s best interests, even if it feels awkward at first.
My longtime friend is moving to Australia to be with her long-distance boyfriend as soon as she graduates. I think she’s making a really big mistake, and I don’t like her boyfriend — I find him really boring. I’m worried she’ll be unhappy not knowing anyone there, and I don’t think he’s worth making such a big decision for. Should I tell her why I’m concerned?
It makes sense that you’d be worried for your friend. Moving across the world is a big and difficult decision, but it’s ultimately her choice to make. If your main objection to her boyfriend is that he’s boring, I wouldn’t suggest bringing that up with her. She clearly cares about him, and, unless you have genuine concerns about how she’s being treated in the relationship, it really doesn’t matter whether anyone but her likes being around him. If she doesn’t know anyone in Australia, it’s more important than ever that you continue to be present in her life — call her, send texts and remind her that you care about her! Whether or not things work out with her boyfriend, it’s very likely she’ll find a strong community wherever she moves, and making an effort to stay in touch in the meantime demonstrates your commitment to the friendship and will mean a lot to her.
My dad is way too overinvolved in managing my future. I’m a senior, and he wants to give his input on every decision I make about jobs, graduate school and where I live, but I really just want to be given the space to think these over myself. How do I get him to stop constantly giving his opinion on my life?
That sounds really frustrating! While it might not feel this way, it can be helpful to remember that your dad’s behavior probably reflects the fact that he really cares about you and wants to see you succeed. At the same time, you’re completely justified in asking him to back off a little and give you the independence you need to make these decisions alone. Telling him that you know he’s always there if you need advice, but that you need some space to make these decisions for yourself, can go a long way to determining your own future. It’s also helpful to think about the way you usually interact with your dad. If a lot of your conversations revolve around your upcoming decisions or your anxiety about the future, he might be feeling like you need some extra support. Consciously switch to some less stressful topics when you next chat, and you might find that he’s less inclined to weigh in when you don’t sound so overwhelmed. Good luck!
Caroline Brown is a senior in the College of Arts & Sciences. This is her 12th and final installment of the column, “Calling in With Caroline.”
