Stick it all on red. Look for pigs up above during the day and a blue moon at night. For the first time ever, San Marino has won a competitive soccer match.
As I write this, I can preemptively hear the questions floating around in some of your heads. What is San Marino? Why should I care? What is soccer? Have no fear, I am here to answer two of those questions.
If you find yourself asking the third, contact the editor and I will get you the help you need because you are missing out.
For those not in the School of Foreign Service or for whom geography is not their strong suit, San Marino is a landlocked microstate in northeast Italy. It is the fifth smallest country in the world, with a land area of just over 23.5 square miles and a population of 33,000. Abraham Lincoln was an honorary citizen, and most importantly, it has a soccer team.
However, to be quite honest, the soccer team isn’t very good. At all. In fact, they are literally the worst. Out of the 210 teams recognized by FIFA, San Marino is ranked 210th. Before Sept. 5, the team had lost 195 times in 206 matches and was outscored 34-824 during that period. They regularly suffered heavy defeats, such as 0-13 against Germany in September 2006 and 0-10 against England in November 2021. And to top it all off, they had only managed to win one match: a friendly against fellow microstate Liechtenstein on April 28, 2004.
The team consists mostly of amateurs. The captain, 34-year-old Matteo Vitaioli, is a graphic designer. Right-back Michael Battistini is a mechanic. However, on the night of Sept. 5, it was 19-year-old student Nicko Sensoli who would etch his name into the history books.
In the team’s 177th competitive fixture, a familiar opponent stood before them, 199th-ranked Liechtenstein.
Opportunities like this were extremely rare for smaller nations until 2018 when the Union of European Football Associations (UEFA) introduced the Nations League.
The tournament (not to be confused with the European championship) was created to replace international friendlies with competitive fixtures. Most importantly for San Marino, unlike qualification for the European Championships, groups in the Nations League are sorted into smaller leagues based on ranking and prior results, pitting teams (in theory) against an opponent of a similar level and caliber.
The fans get to watch better matches and the less popular teams — according to current FIFA president and former UEFA general secretary Gianni Infantino — get an opportunity to play more and hopefully win meaningful fixtures.
So when Liechtenstein rolled into town on Sept. 5, it was San Marino’s World Cup final.
The football match was fitting for a meeting of footballing minnows. Sloppy, slow and at times agonizing to watch, but in the 52nd minute, all was forgotten.
The ball was looped toward the box, and a Liechtenstein defender headed it backward into his own penalty area. Goalkeeper Benjamin Büchel came to collect, but there was confusion between him and center-back Niklas Beck. Sensoli weaseled in between the two and poked the ball over the keeper into an empty net.
The nearly empty stadium hardly erupted, but the Sammarinese faithful, affectionately self-labeled the “Never One Joy Brigade,” gave a good go of it. The PA announcer led the crowd in singing Sensoli’s name over the loudspeakers as 600 fans tried to sing for a stadium that holds 6,000.
35 more minutes of tortuous soccer ensued as San Marino held on for dear life. Players were going down injured, conceding corners unnecessarily and repeatedly failing to waste time. You can hardly blame them: they have not had a lot of practice seeing games out. Finally, in the eighth minute of additional time, it looked like the footballing gods had a cruel fate in store as Liechtenstein won a free kick in a dangerous area.
Fortunately, the ball was a harmless one and it trickled out of play.
Goalkeeper Edoardo Colombo’s lofted goal kick was the final action of the match. The referee’s final whistle brought ecstasy, joy and relief to a country with the same population of Helena, Mont. and a land mass that could be squeezed almost three times over into Washington, D.C.
The longest winless run in international soccer history (over 140 games) had ended. The PA announcer bellowed the score over the sound system over and over again, trying to convince everyone in the stadium — players included — that what just happened was not a dream.
Ultimately, they lost their next match against Moldova, but their next fixture is against Gibraltar on Oct. 10 — another microstate clash of gargantuan proportions. It may be time for the Never One Joy Brigade to file for a name change.
