With Congress scrambling to put the finishing touches on a $900 billion stimulus package, I can’t help but wonder what a Georgetown stimulus package might look like.

To be sure, bleeding-heart liberals will decry my proposed stimulus package as another example of the rich getting richer, and conservatives will find plenty of pork to sink their teeth into.

Fortunately for us, Georgetown isn’t in dire straits, but with so much money being handed out, why not take a piece of the pie? We hear a lot about policies that don’t just serve Wall Street, but Main Street too. Well, what about O Street? Don’t forget us!

Ideally the stimulus money would reduce tuition, but this is Georgetown – that’s unrealistic. To paraphrase Vice President Biden: Paying tuition, like paying taxes, is “patriotic.” So, instead, we must direct this hypothetical money toward improving student life.

If we listen to the rhetoric floating around Capitol Hill these days, we find that the focus of relief efforts is the middle class. In my proposed Georgetown stimulus bill, middle classes – namely, those between 11:40 a.m. and 2:15 p.m – would be provided catering services, a move that would create jobs while simultaneously increasing productivity in the classroom. No more zoning out during a lecture on Kantian ethics to decide what to eat for lunch; just remember not to talk with your mouth full.

Infrastructure spending is a key part of my proposed stimulus package for the university. Of particular interest should be heating, ventilation and air conditioning in all campus facilities. It is inexcusable that students in the Southwest Quad have had to forgo hot showers due to an inadequate supply of hot water.

Heating and air conditioning are inconsistent and generally uncomfortable in most places on campus; even in comparatively new buildings like Village C, ventilation, particularly in bathrooms, is virtually nonexistent. This is a health risk and ought to be addressed immediately.

Information dissemination is another area that needs attention. I am not the first to bring this up, nor am I organized enough to provide a great solution, but there is more than enough brainpower on the Hilltop to be able to compile and distribute a comprehensive list of campus events. One idea would be to put this information on those ubiquitous monitors that, ironically enough, currently display facility energy-efficiency statistics.

Speaking of televisions, let’s join the 21st century, shall we? Here at Georgetown, our common rooms have tiny TVs with poor reception. And what’s going on with HoyaNet cable service? The picture quality has been suffering a lot lately. Especially now that “24” is set in Washington, don’t we owe it to ourselves to be able to watch without having to kick the TV every few minutes to get a decent picture? This isn’t the ’60s.

any students choose to watch TV online, but that isn’t a viable option for all due to the spottiness of wireless Internet (and it’s not just wireless – where I live, local area network connections are intermittent in about half the rooms). Let’s fix that as part of our infrastructure spending plan, too.

Finally, my campus beautification plan. Overall, Georgetown is a beautiful campus, with one exception: Lauinger Library is an abomination. It’s more than uninspiring – it’s downright embarrassing for a building of such hideousness to occupy a space of such prominence on campus. There have been many good suggestions for renovating the interior of Lauinger, including repairing the plumbing, adding additional seating and workspaces and installing more windows to allow for natural light.

There is a lot of work left to be done on the outside, though, and it is absolutely essential that we do not shirk this responsibility. In terms of proportions, Lauinger is nearly identical to the much easier-on-the-eyes Healy Hall, so we have two very good options for our library’s extreme makeover.

Option one would be to add a nice stone façade. If that sounds cost-prohibitive, option two: Why don’t we just cover up Lauinger with some ivy? The library could be a place where both intellectual curiosity and botanical life would blossom.

The last part of my stimulus package includes a transportation reinvigoration. We need to increase GUTS bus operations, particularly on weekends. The currently limited weekend service discourages anyone from venturing off campus (and, no, Qdoba doesn’t count). This is a shame, and the school should do more to encourage students to develop an active presence in the community.

Obviously, these are but a few small ideas for improving the Georgetown community – unfortunately, I didn’t have the space to explain my plans for community outreach or to give Department of Public Safety officers glow-in-the-dark uniforms and Segways. My tongue-in-cheek Georgetown stimulus package is not a cure-all, but I think it raises a few questions about how to bring Georgetown out of this recession on top.

Colin Nagle is a sophomore in the College. He can be reached at naglethehoya.com. Getting in Tune appears every other Friday.

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