Here at 4E, we love to party. So naturally, we are more than excited for the first GU Nightclub party, coming this Friday. We’ve waited an eternity for something that could finally live up to the exceptionally high standards that Club Lau set for us during that fateful weekend freshman year and that something has finally arrived.
We’ve compiled a list of our hopes and dreams for the opening night, all of which have been carefully compared to observed phenomena at local club and bar scenes and are totally legitimate. (Failure to achieve at least three of these expectations will result in a blog-wide boycott of future GU Nightclub events.)
Losing half your weight in sweat
Any good nightclub will keep the music so bumpin’ (2000s hip hop, anybody?) that you can’t help but dance. Dancing is scientifically proven to burn over 400 calories an hour. If you dance for two hours and adjust your mini skirt at least five times, you should lose over six pounds in water weight — guaranteed.
A Jesuit breakdancing competition
It’s common knowledge that priests are good at feeling emotions – what’s stopping them from feeling the beat? When the Jesuits take off their white collars and unbutton those top buttons, you know it’s going down. They’re all about that bass, ’bout that bass, no treble.
Open bar with Coke and Sprite (read: high school prom)
Leave your fake IDs at home, kids, and enjoy some carbonated and somewhat questionable “punch” free of charge.
An influx of pre-med students
With the first orgo and physics exams out of the way, even the biggest try-hards will recognize that this is the premiere event of the semester. They will crowd the doorways and, while their complaints about biology problem sets will initially drown out the music, they will quickly lower their voices and dance the night away.
The ability to dance with an MSBro without being judged
You know that cute boy who struts around campus in his new suit and shiny shoes but definitely sold his soul to some consulting company? Your friends tell you to stay away, but GU Nightclub says this is the place.
Celebrity selfie ops
Whether it’s with Taylor Swift stopping by on her way to the Verizon Center or a cardboard cut-out of President Obama stolen from the College Democrats, nothing livens up a dull Facebook page like a photo with someone famous you may or may not have met.
Balance between serious dance and ratchet rap songs
Everything from “Come On Eileen” to “Black Widow” to “Rather Be”. If they don’t play “Anaconda,” my anaconda don’t ever want to go back.
We will send our love, best wishes and potentially intoxicated (with excitement) bodies to Bulldog Alley Saturday night, ready to get down in true club style. If you missed Club Lau, lost your fake ID or don’t know what a “club” actually is, join us there!
Photo: cloudfront.net
