A Guide to Bagels in D.C.

Note: I may or may not have been eating a bagel while writing this.

After living in D.C. for the past 3 years, I have become known to some (read: no one) as the bagel connoisseur of the District. I take my bagels very seriously, as any respectable person should. Primarily, this is because I am a New Yorker and bagels are a religion. Mostly, it’s because bagels are amazing and #worththepraise.

As you ~~probably~~ hopefully know, bagels in D.C. basically s-u-c-k. I don’t understand it. There must really be something in the New York water. However, over the last 3 years, I have determined the best bagels in the D.C. area. While they are nothing like the New York bagels, they are worth the try.

Ranked from worst to best bagels:

5. Einstein Brothers Bagels: Their only redeeming qualities is their location proximity and the fact that you can use your swipes. Otherwise, the bagels are the definition of sub-par. I have a theory, the more weird bagel type options there are, the worse the bagel quality. Still waiting on that being tested.

Ranking: Not worth it. But, if I was starving in the middle of midterms, maybe.

4. Corp Bagels/Saxby’s Bagels: These are a little better, but not much. For some reason, they are infinitely better when toasted, go figure. Totally worth it, especially when you are trapped in Lau for the 10th hour straight. But don’t get crazy with the flavors. No one likes the pretentious bagel orderer.

Ranking: A for sure for a Lau lockdown, but otherwise you could do better.

3. Bagels Etc.: Located at 2122 P Street NW in Dupont, Bagels Etc. is on point. Fair warning: they only take cash. Nonetheless, this place is great and really understands the bagel to cream cheese ratio. Thank God, someone who gets it.

Ranking: If you are in Dupont, this place is worth it. Wouldn’t travel across the city for it though. That’s why we have Postmates, duh.

2. Bethesda Bagels: Located in Dupont and Bethesda, this place is on point. This place has everything: cream cheese, a loud atmosphere and fabulous egg sandwiches. They are also on Postmates, but watch the delivery fee. A New Yorker’s paradise.

Ranking: A diamond in the rough. Thank god for some semblance of a New York bagel.

1. GW Deli: THE HOLY GRAIL (of Foggy Bottom). I love this place, it is my favorite restaurant in the District. They are closed on Sundays though, fair warning. If you don’t order an egg, swiss, bacon and avocado sandwich on a whole wheat everything bagel, you are doing it wrong.

Ranking: If I could go here everyday, I would. They must ship their bagels in from Midtown. Obsessed, obsessed, obsessed.