Hold the phone, what? Is this a joke? Am I being punk’d?!

Actually, my friends, I speak the truth: Postmates is offering free delivery of anything you could want this week only!

Earlier this week 4E got an email from the Postmates general store alerting us to this amazing opportunity to get things delivered to our beds for no price at all. Naturally we couldn’t control our excitement. Here is what they advertised:

“From Advil to toothpaste and candy to condoms, we’ve got it all. Order sunscreen and magazines to bring to the beach Solo cups and plates for that last minute barbecue. Simply open the app, 24/7. That’s all folks.”

For those of us who major in laziness and minor in procrastination, this is a dream come true.

4E specifically suggests you order the following things to celebrate this occassion:

1. That food place you have always been dying to try, but have been too lazy to go to. I’m looking at you, Barcelona Wine Bar.

2. Everything you could possibly ever need from a convenience store. A two-hundred pack of command hooks? Why the hell not, you’ll use them for something!

3. Every meal of the day, from sunrise to sundown. It is August, isn’t work optional now? Start with Bethesda Bagels and go nuts.

4. The weirdest outfit you can think of from American Apparel. Just think of it as an investment for a future theme party. Follow up, can we talk about the fact that you can order this to be delivered to your house?

5. Your alcohol for the weekend. Sometimes Dixie seems too far and walking is not a thing. Plus, then you can buy in bulk and not have to worry about your arms falling off from the weight of your Burnetts.

Be right back, about to go spend some serious cash on Postmates. Heaven is a place on Earth.

Photos/Gifs: gurl.com; theodysseyonline.com/; https://byt.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/; bostonmagazine.com