Controversial opinion alert: I think my friends are awesome. I kid; obviously most people think their friends are awesome. (If you don’t, you might want to get some new ones.) But I think we don’t talk about friendship enough. Friendships deserve the same attention that romantic relationships get because they involve all of the same complications and emotions. They take effort and communication.
During the second-season finale of “Girls,” the viewer sees a flash of the novel Hannah Horvath is writing. She’s penned only a single sentence: “A friendship between college girls is grander and more dramatic than any romance.” Hannah struggles with the next sentence, but she’s getting at a point that is frequently missed in pop culture: Friendships are dramatic, even when you don’t want them to be. They take lots of work to maintain and are often the relationships that define you — especially when you’re a perpetually single college student. (Holla!)
For leading ladies in any TV show or movie, female friends are sidekicks — supportive comments when the men in their lives have neglected them, and sassy ones when they need a pick-me-up — but nothing more. Sometimes I’ve treated my friends unfairly and used them that way. It didn’t go particularly well, but television heroines rarely fracture these relationships with their selfishness like I have.
Male-female friendships, on the other hand, are almost completely neglected unless they’re going to lead to something romantic or unless the guy is the “gay best friend” — snarky, flamboyant and one-dimensional. Platonic friendship is rare and underdeveloped. I have a lot of platonic male friends. They’re a complicated group of people, and I’m positive that none of them want to date me.
There are some pop culture friendships that don’t fall into these traps, though. At the top of this pack are the relationships on “Parks and Recreation.” Amy Poehler’s and Rashida Jones’ Leslie Knope and Ann Perkins have one of the best, most realistic friendships on television. They don’t argue over men, but have real concern for each other — Leslie sometimes thinks Ann is making the wrong choice, while Ann thinks that Leslie can be overbearing. Obviously it’s a comedy, so fights are often played for laughs, but the depth of their relationship resonates with me because it reminds me of my friends.
Leslie has a similarly close relationship with her boss, Ron Swanson. He can be difficult and emotionally distant with Leslie, who can be excessively hyper and overwhelming. Sometimes, they don’t get each other because they can be so different. But right before Ron walks Leslie down the aisle, he says, “You are a wonderful person, your friendship means a lot to me and you look very beautiful,” and it’s a moment that encompasses friendship at its finest — two weirdos coming together to support each other in all the ways that matter. Shout out to all of the emotionally stunted weirdos whom I have the pleasure to count among my closest friends.
On “The Mindy Project,” an enjoyable show that generally lacks the deep relationships I’ve been talking about, the title character tells her coworkers that she’s getting drinks with her best friend. They question how she could have so many best friends. “Best friend isn’t a person, it’s a tier,” she quips, in a moment of genius.
For reasons I will likely never fully comprehend, I’m lucky enough to have more than one person who I would refer to as my “best friend,” and Mindy helped me realize that this isn’t atypical. So why do I never see these complicated, amazing and difficult relationships that define so many people’s lives portrayed on screen?
Friendship is eating cheap pizza at 2 a.m. on a Saturday while watching “The West Wing” and comparing yourselves to the characters. Friendship is loving the same books and hating the same people. It’s not knowing what to do when your friend is crying but knowing that you have to hug him. Friendship is a dance party for no other reason than that you don’t want to be sad. It’s loving your friends even when — especially when — you think they’re doing the wrong thing. It’s angry phone calls, passive-aggressive texts and conversations you don’t want to have. It’s Leslie and Ann catching up in the stolen minutes of their days. It’s Ron teasing Leslie mercilessly. It’s going to Chipotle two days in a row.
“Grey’s Anatomy” is a show that’s rarely praised as realistic; it’s emotionally manipulative and contains many outstandingly rare medical mysteries. But Meredith Grey and Cristina Yang, two of the main doctors, have one of those rare friendships. “You’re my person,” Cristina says to Meredith in an iconic moment. And that’s the best way to say it. My friends are my people. Thanks for that.
Victoria Edel is an junior in the College. This is the last appearance of GIRL MEETS WORLD this semester.
