Notice: Front Page Fakeout is a parody post in which a 4E writer takes a story from the front page of The Hoya and puts an exaggerated and ENTIRELY false spin on it. The Front Page Fakeout usesĀ invented names in all its stories, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental.
After numerous fraternities, sororities and other unofficial Georgetown groups weren’t allowed to table inside of the Student Activities (SAC) Fair on Saturday, Georgetown University officials have decided to terminate all student clubs, groups, and activities until further notice.
According to an anonymous source in University President John J. DeGioia’s office: āThe chaos at Saturdayās SAC Fair approached a level [comparable to] a Walmart full of overeager Christmas shoppers on Black Friday. Students were talking at an above ‘indoor voice’ level. As a necessary consequence to these unprecedented actions, we have decided to permanently halt student participation in campus activities.ā
A detailed memo released by the Office of the Provost explains the timetable of activity shutdown: āAll activities must cease by January 20, 2013, and all documents correlating to student groups must be burned, shredded, or tossed into the Potomac in a frantic and unstable manner by that date.ā The memo from the provost also threatened that if any clubs are not in compliance with the timetable, former Secretary of State Madeline Albright will quit the faculty and personally burn down the Rafik B. Hariri Building.
Despite the impending stoppage of the more than 200 student groups on campus, students seem to be taking the news in stride. Georgetown University Student Association senator Jane Hoyason even seemed pleased with the activities halt. āTo be quite honest, activities arenāt a big part of life here at GU. The students here are some of the laziest, most unsuccessful people in the world. So really, who gives a flyinā hoot and a half?ā
mhussey14 • Jan 15, 2013 at 4:31 pm
This is hysterical, KP. #blognostalgia