FINALS. You are desperately searching for any source of caffeine like a dying man in a desert searching for a drop of water, and you’re utterly convinced it is the key to all of your success in school and in life. You may have a point. It is a known fact that the key to actually passing more than one final is that anxious jittery high that comes from a cup o’ joe. But this time, we are taking it to the next level. Directly from 4E to you is a list of our favorite coffee drinks to have handy for each subject we are studying.
History
Ah, the cappuccino. Difficult to make and fancy to say, this drink will transport you to a small little cafe in an obscure part of Europe where you can watch it all go down. As you enjoy the fluffy foam hovering over the crucial espresso shots, remember the Titans. Or watch the movie Remember the Titans for a study break and then go back to studying for Early Fill-in-the-Blank-Area-of-the-World.
Math
If you are stuck taking derivatives all day and night, the only hope for you is a nice large black coffee. Only the darkest java will provide the necessary fuel without the unwanted distractions of a more eclectic drink. It’s a serious drink to remind you that you are doing serious work, something employable in the real world one day. Congrats! Just don’t mess up on that final. Better keep drinking.
English
English is all about getting those creative juices flowing, finding the inner meaning and reading between the lines. What better drink than a Frappuccino or smoothie, an opportunity for creativity. Try any and all flavor combinations, with and without whip, and reap the delicious rewards of your genius. Just don’t spend as much time picking a flavor as you do working on your paper.
Foreign Language
Bonjour Madame, quieres espresso? When it comes to a foreign language, your best bet is a small cup with an even smaller amount of espresso in it. Consider just one or two shots because each one has as much caffeine as a full cup of coffee! Asking for a shot or two (sometimes known as a solo or dopio) will make you sound and feel as sophisticated as someone who is bilingual (maybe you if you keep studying).
Economics
If you are studying economics, you are going to need to treat yourself. Go mocha or go home. In fairness, you are studying what people want, and what do people want more than chocolate and coffee? You must experiment with a mocha yourself to understand what all the (economic) fuss is about. Believe me, only a mocha can bring you to Pareto efficiency.
So there you have it! Your best bet is never to stop drinking some form of caffeine. Though your sleep schedule may be completely thrown off by the time you get home for winter break, your plan should be to sleep through the next three weeks until you’re allowed back to Georgetown anyway.
