“Hail to Kale”: What’s Happening?!

IS THIS A DREAM?

IS THIS REAL LIFE?

Topping off his elaborate and noteworthy T-shirts designs, it seems that marketing genius Chris Grosse has done it again. And this time, he has done it with leafy greens!

This Friday, Feb. 13, the first 100 fans to attend the Georgetown Women’s basketball game against Xavier will receive FREE kale. Not only that, but if you have the letters k-a-l-e in your name you’ll get in for FREE (but disregard if you’re a student because you already get in FOR FREE!!)

4E is not the only group raving about this ingenious idea:

ESPN suggested “The school could also allow people who hate kale to sit together in an area of the arena.”

USAToday seemed to commend the idea, saying “Georgetown women’s basketball is getting healthy for an upcoming home game against Xavier. Or at least having a healthier giveaway than many hoops teams.”

The Washington Post seemed to get the real insider scoop, Dan Steinberg spoke to what we all were thinking when saying:

“I was hoping the first 100 fans would all get bunches of kale, but that’s not the case. Georgetown Dining is actually donating a kale Caesar Salad to the women’s soccer team, which will be manning the concession stand that night. The first 100 fans will get a free cup of kale Caesar salad, which will be for sale at the concession stand. There will also be a lemony kale pizza topping available.”

Nonetheless, still super ~~weird~~ exciting!

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So exciting that we here at 4E are wondering WHAT’S NEXT?!?!?

Here are our some of our thoughts:

1. Iceberg lettuce. In the spirit of leaves, let us not forget the classics. A head of iceberg lettuce would be the perfect complimentary gift for basketball attendance. Think of how sumptuous your taste buds would feel if they had a whole ball of iceberg lettuce to digest throughout a women’s basketball. You could peel away leaf by leaf for quite a great length of time I’d imagine. It would be so great.

2. Chia seeds. Nope not a chai latte, but the very spawn of all things chai: seeds (or at least let’s go with that). Apparently, chai means “strength” and folklore has it that the Mayan and Aztec cultures used to use chia seeds for strength, sort of like a prehistoric 5 hour energy. They are also very versatile: they can be used to thicken puddings, soups and meatballs. #letsgettrendy and shower sports goers with Chai seeds!

3. Avocados. Okay admittedly this suggestion may be more out of self-interest, but what fruit/vegetable/organic matter is more happening right now than the avocado? I mean look at how expensive they are. An avocado handout would be supreme! #GUAC

4. Beef brains. For those who are not turned off by the thought of eating a once living, functioning organ of the beloved cow with its own thoughts, aspirations and feelings, the beef brain is said to be loaded with vitamins, minerals and antioxidants! Perhaps GUGS could even hand them out pre-game in a patty – now wouldn’t that be nice?

5. Fanny packs. In the spirit of the Providence game’s handout of “seat cushions” that were about as useful as a double block of cardboard (but nonetheless a great thought), Georgetown could #staypractical with the handout of fanny packs! A classic and adorned accessory of the college student and basketball fan.