What do the CEO of Glossier, physics professor Patrick Johnson and Georgetown University’s funniest human have in common? They have all spoken in the Intercultural Center’s Auditorium! With a capacity of 349 velvet-lined navy chairs, the ICC Auditorium has hosted a number of events — including the Feb. 24 Funniest Human stand-up comedy show.

Hosted by Georgetown Program Board, the annual event features numerous undergraduate contestants and is free to attend on a first-come, first-serve basis. The line snaked out the door thirty minutes before the show started, and people in line anxiously counted those in front of them to see if they would be able to get a seat. 

Once everyone was in the door, emcee Harrison Lee (SFS ’23), opened with a Pedro Pascal quote, a story about a failed attempt to spit out gum and a call for audience participation. The first comedian Lee introduced was Dane Tedder (CAS ’24). 

Tedder took the stage with a long sigh that ended in a tentative hello. He admitted that he was nervous and explained that he has anxiety, which renders conversations harrowing. He then launched into an anecdote about an awkward encounter he had with a classmate, during which he ran away only to end up going in the same direction as the classmate. Tedder’s demeanor mirrored that of comedian John Mulaney (COL ’04), but with a wearier, yet still hilarious, edge.

Next up was Eli Blumenfeld (CAS ’25), who came out yelling “WASSUP GEORGETOWN!” Blumenfeld’s set, which alluded to his Oedipus complex and compared bread dough to touching a woman, yielded a few uncomfortable chuckles from the audience. 

Following Blumenfeld was Daria Farman-Farmaian (SFS ’23), who also spoke about her stage fright, revealing that she hadn’t pooped in three days. Throughout her set, she opened up about her physical and mental health, inspiring the audience with her tale of perseverance and self-betterment. 

Zan Haq (SFS ’24) followed Farman-Farmaian with a story about how he thought Obama was his uncle when he was younger. Upon discovering Obama is not an Arab, Haq joked that he landed on Osama bin Laden as his next role model because “no other Arab has broken more glass ceilings in this country.” Haq’s witty tone took the edge off his risque 9/11 jokes, earning many chuckles from the audience. 

Next up was John Matuszewski (SFS ’25), who opened by sarcastically joking about “drowning in women.” He then moved on to criticize University President John J. DeGioia (CAS ’79, GRD ’95) in response to the recent increase in tuition, comparing the price hike to the costs of students’ parents’ “country clubs and cocaine.” His self-deprecation and frustrations with the administration hit close to home for many in the audience.

Han Miller (CAS ’23) followed Matuszewski’s DeGioia smackdown by offering their services as a criminal to the audience, stating that because they do not use “she” or “he” pronouns, many U.S. laws do not apply to them. They finished their set by joking that GUPD was their missing father figure, shouting out the “GUPD officer that always rides his bike and has a little beard.”

Caroline Timoney (CAS ’23) then revealed that she was conceived through IVF, meaning her parents “could be virgins.” She adopted a valley girl persona at the beginning of her set, but slowly dropped the accent as she made her way through her set, allowing her to develop a connection with the audience through her vulnerability about her mental health and her struggles through puberty. 

Next, Stephen Purdum (CAS ’26) centered his set around his childish brazenness. He told the audience about a time when he lied to the TSA, telling them that his name was “Bob,” and the time he dared his friend to jump off a roof. Purdhum’s silly set unlocked the audience’s nostalgia for their childish, long-lost lack of sensibility.

An energetic Miguel Mendoza (CAS ’23) then told the story of his experience with an unhelpful but flirtatious Italian police officer who called him “Yankee boy.” He then recounted a family vacation in the Dominican Republic where his sister tested “positivo” for COVID-19, building tension and excitement among audience members.

At the end of the night, the audience voted on who to crown as the funniest human. Despite some confusion about the voting system, Mendoza, Matuszewski, Farman-Farmaian and Tedder made it to the second round. Finally, all the votes were in, and with a dramatic drumroll, Lee announced, “the winner of Funniest Human 2023 is … Miguel Mendoza!” The crowd erupted in cheers as the plastic crown-clad comic took hold of the mic, dedicating his win to his friend Steven who couldn’t make it to the show. With that, “Yankee boy” took home the gold.

Full disclosure: Purdum previously served as a writer for The Guide, and Timoney served in the Multimedia section. Matuszewski currently serves in The Hoya’s Photo division, and Blumenfeld is a columnist for Sports.

Amber Cherry is a freshman in the College. Funny Faces in Beautiful Places will appear online and in print every three weeks.